It is 2:50 in the morning, I am not insomniac, I was in bed a half hour ago, but a dream woke me and had to get up and write this letter to you. It was, what you can call, an epiphany. I just hope it is the right call, otherwise I will know that my head and heart are now so absolutely lost, that they are making the wrong calls. They´d be sending out empty bottles that will not, of course, get any answers.

Now I am going to describe the dream to you:

Imagine a huge empty white room. White floors, walls, ceiling, even the huge windows in the right side of the room and the glasses in them. Everything is white, so immaculate, harmless, quiet and assured. You feel safe in there. There isn’t a door though. Is all steady, the huge white lamp in the middle of the ceiling even the white curtains, nothing is moving. Is like, time doesn’t want to be in that room, is just waiting in the other side of the wall.

Now you are looking at this room as if you were a viewer in a movie. The scene starts with a close up of the back of two bared feet, yes, at the level of the floor, standing in front of the room. Can you picture it in your mind? Is like, if you were curled up behind a person, and the only thing that you see is those feet and the depth of that white room.

The feet start to walk, the frame opens and you, now, see a naked man, pale, walking towards the wall at the end of the room. When the man walks under the spot light coming from the lamp he opens his arms and keeps them like that as he reaches the wall and touches it with his body and face, caresses the wall with his fingers and opened arms.

You see his eyes closed, he is feeling the wall, and now you see something odd, his lips are red intense and his finger tips are pink. He is submerged in this, apparently, ecstasy that makes him happy to sense the wall. But he starts to cry, the tears are running down his face, he is reaching out with his arms, is like he is trying to embrace the wall but of course he can´t.

And now the room is not so white anymore. The tears hit the floor and the room starts to get old, his body hair stands on end, you can see his pores getting erected as well as his nipples. The paint starts to peel off the wall and the floor loses its immaculate color and now is covered by a thick layer of dust. The windows` glasses are now transparent and you can see a pitch black night outside. The tears keep on dropping and the white is fading away.

You take another look to the man and now he is scratching the paint off. His face against the wall and his erected nipples are bleeding from the friction against the wall.  His finger nails are making this awful noise and the blood starts to gush out. You see his face and the tears are dropping like there is no ending to them, the red lips are trembling and start to open, the awful noise of the nails keeps on and on and the windows start to make a noise also, that noise that makes the glass when is about to brake.

The red lips open and a scream make you grab your ears. The windows´ glasses brake, you cover with your arms and the noise stop. Everything continues, the anguish and the pain but the noise is gone, the sound is gone, even the sound of the wind coming in through the windows.

You can see the suffering on this man, you can feel it now. You cry also, your heart aches, this unknown pain takes you and the sadness comes to you. You feel your own tears. And now, the pain that was not known to you gets familiar. You understand now and, as you see it more clear, the pain makes you ache more. But there is no sound. You scream out of this inner pain and there is no sound.

You watch the man crying and screaming on the wall and there is no sound. Just pain, this pain that now you are feeling as heart break. You take a look at your hands and they are bleeding, you don’t have your nails now. Your body is covered in blood and the anguish is unbearable. You reach out for the man with your eyes and see him standing in the middle of the room looking at you. But he doesn’t have his eyes, though his tears keep on dropping.

His arms are open, his mouth keeps on screaming, the wind gets stronger and the pain in your body intensifies. You extend your hand to him, he does the same and when you walk towards him and finally touch his finger, everything gets dark. You can´t see a thing, but you are not afraid anymore. You feel and see an empty space but you don’t know why you are there. A huge lamp turns on and now you see a white huge room and it all starts again.

That is the dream that I had, it is now 4:24 a.m. and though I´m tired and sleepy, my head keeps on getting images and ideas and desires. If you only knew my story you will know why I am getting these disturbing dreams. But that is a subject for some other stories that perhaps I will tell you someday.